i may be bipolar

Destined for greatness, but no one told me i'd have to go through all of this bullshit before it happens. Wasn't expecting things to be THIS hard. But I guess I would never know true satisfaction if i didn't struggle to get there. it just amazes me how other people have it so easy. Why are their lives that much better? Who got to choose?

Then I think of how great my life is compared to others on this planet. all of a sudden none of my problems seem real. it can definitely be way worse than it is. once i learn to stop comparing my life to others, i know i'll be ok. once i realize that i'm more than half way there, i'll reach my destination in no time. right?

FUCK THAT! shit just isn't happening quick enough for me. fuck this pep talk bullshit. sometimes even i think i'm completely full of shit for trying to stay positive all of the time. i truly hate sending negative energy off into the universe because i am a believer in karma and the like. but.. FUCK. i'm angry. i'm frustrated. i'm allowed to be impatient and pissed off, aren't i?

i just want to be happy. no fuck happy. i want to be ECSTATIC. but i'll settle with just being content. wait, scratch that. i won't settle for anything less than the best. i just wish it didn't take so long to get there. i wonder if i'll even appreciate it when i'm finally successful? or would i just be so damn jaded at that point.

i just don't want..... forget it. i don't even know what i want how can i tell you what i don't want. i wish i could pay someone to just go into my brain and sort it all out for me. i'm always as logical as possible, at least i try to be but how does one conquer all of these emotions and thoughts when they truly defy logic? shit just plain doesn't even make sense to me anymore.

here goes another entry about everything i'm feeling but truly.. nothing at all.