I am a lover of art, music, science fiction & fantasies. Sometimes I forget that there's a real world out there.
I enjoy being in my little bubble of personal bliss, sometimes a bubble of suffering. Personal nonetheless.
I'm not that complicated yet I'm such an enigma to people that I become disheartened. The fact that I'm misunderstood makes me feel like somewhat of an outcast. Why can't I have the things these "normal" people have?
Based on the observation of my peers I've realized that the most undeserving people get it all. Perhaps it is because they don't know what it is like to be without, that they are so dissatisfied and unappreciative of what they possess.
I don't know where I'm going with this... I'll stop writing now.
About Me
- Becca Anomaly
- just a girl interested in anything and everything worth knowing. i write a lot & i write intensely but do not mistake my emotional words for an emotional person. i am tough as nails and will battle you to the death! *SPARTA KICK*
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Entity
that overwhelming feeling of dread, like you made the wrong choice. yeah... thats how i feel at the moment.
it isn't pleasant. the constant battle in my mind has begun to affect the way i behave socially. i get annoyed easily. people i was once enamored with, i can't stand to be around for more than 5 minutes. And i can't tell if it's me.. or them. have they ALL changed, or am i just the one going through changes?
and what kills me if that it all stems from one, seemingly meaningless occurence. yet if it was so meaningless why am i still feeling it over a week later?
It wasn't meaningless at all. pointless maybe, but in this case, these words are not synonyms. I'm sure, although slightly misconstrued, my meaning was understood. the point? non existant. it seems as if i do a lot of pointless shit in regards to that situation. one incident sparked another and another, and i ran with my impulses.
now, I am an entire entity full of frustration.
it isn't pleasant. the constant battle in my mind has begun to affect the way i behave socially. i get annoyed easily. people i was once enamored with, i can't stand to be around for more than 5 minutes. And i can't tell if it's me.. or them. have they ALL changed, or am i just the one going through changes?
and what kills me if that it all stems from one, seemingly meaningless occurence. yet if it was so meaningless why am i still feeling it over a week later?
It wasn't meaningless at all. pointless maybe, but in this case, these words are not synonyms. I'm sure, although slightly misconstrued, my meaning was understood. the point? non existant. it seems as if i do a lot of pointless shit in regards to that situation. one incident sparked another and another, and i ran with my impulses.
now, I am an entire entity full of frustration.
Friday, August 5, 2011
RelationSHITs
WARNING: This will be an extremely personal blog entry.
Every now and then, more often than I would like to be quite honest, people ask me why I am still single. I have been single for... give or take 3 years. ABSURD, I know.. I never thought I’d be single for this long either but hey.. shit happens.
It's extremely hard for me to allow myself to be comfortable enough with another person in that way now. I know, I know.. I have to stop being a pussy and open up eventually. I AM aware of that. But it seems that every time I get close to doing so, something happens to make me retreat. Maybe it's because my life isn't going the way I want it to, or because I am just hexed. But it just doesn't seem like something that is going to happen for me in the near future.
There are currently 3 guys ACTIVELY trying to date me. So, it isn't for the lack of options, because they've been present the past three years. But.. I am not interested in them :( And I feel terrible because I do not like to be led on, so why do I do it to them? I don't know how to reject someone without being mean. If I do it any other way, people don't get the message so instead I’m just nice & cordial and just act oblivious to their efforts. Ultimately giving these guys false hope. I am THE WORST. I should probably just give them a chance :(
There is one guy that I like.. a lot. That was not included in that aforementioned three because, get this, he DOESN'T want to date me. That truly sucks because I feel like he's the only one I'm willing to open up to at the moment and it just isn't going to happen. According to him, it just isn't the right time and his life is a mess.... sounds like what I tell those 3 guys I don't really like. I feel like I'm being played lol.. The one time I brought up that I was being led on he says, "no I like you, if I didn't you would have been cut off" .. That doesn't make me feel better. At all. We’ve been talking for sooo long now and it's been at the same level of bitchassery (yeah I just made that up) I’d much rather have him tell me it's never going to happen then give ME false hope. Talk about fucking Karma.
I just don't get why I want the one that I cannot have and I'm so terrible to the ones that do want me. I get more stressed over this than I need to because they text/call/message me throughout the entire day and when I don't respond I just get more messages. I've tried the whole just cutting people off & not answering bit but that just makes my friends and family nervous... I think about it way too much. Probably because there is nothing else going on in my life to keep me occupied. I used to occupy my mind & time with work related things but my current job SUCKS ASS (I really fucking hate it) and all of my “extracurricular activities” have been put on hold. I'm "redecorating" my room... for the 2nd time this year because I am bored, stressed and I feel useless. I need a change in my life. A huge one. A relationship might be nice, or it might stress me out even more.
All in all.. I just want to meet someone NEW that can reciprocate the feelings that I have. It'd be nice to be involved with someone that can give the same amount of effort as me.. And vice versa cuz I feel horrible for slacking with these other guys trying to date me. It doesn’t help that now I’m 23 and kind of going through “baby fever”. I look at a guy and say “I can’t have kids with him” LMAO! .. I don’t really want to have a kid right now, I am no where near financially or mentally ready for that but I’d like to get to know my baby daddy NOW.. you know? Build up a relationship as of now so I won’t be one of those 30 yr old pregnant women with a high risk pregnancy… ahhhhh.
I want to go back to high school. Life was so much less complicated then. Even though I was so full of teen angst I felt like the world was coming down on me. I look back now and I really had nothing to complain about.
BTW – I fucking hate my coworker for asking about my ex boyfriend today. Then making the craziest shocked face when I told her I was still single. Bitch! Tonight will be a night that I just curl up into fetal position & get fat while watching Netflix lol
Every now and then, more often than I would like to be quite honest, people ask me why I am still single. I have been single for... give or take 3 years. ABSURD, I know.. I never thought I’d be single for this long either but hey.. shit happens.
It's extremely hard for me to allow myself to be comfortable enough with another person in that way now. I know, I know.. I have to stop being a pussy and open up eventually. I AM aware of that. But it seems that every time I get close to doing so, something happens to make me retreat. Maybe it's because my life isn't going the way I want it to, or because I am just hexed. But it just doesn't seem like something that is going to happen for me in the near future.
There are currently 3 guys ACTIVELY trying to date me. So, it isn't for the lack of options, because they've been present the past three years. But.. I am not interested in them :( And I feel terrible because I do not like to be led on, so why do I do it to them? I don't know how to reject someone without being mean. If I do it any other way, people don't get the message so instead I’m just nice & cordial and just act oblivious to their efforts. Ultimately giving these guys false hope. I am THE WORST. I should probably just give them a chance :(
There is one guy that I like.. a lot. That was not included in that aforementioned three because, get this, he DOESN'T want to date me. That truly sucks because I feel like he's the only one I'm willing to open up to at the moment and it just isn't going to happen. According to him, it just isn't the right time and his life is a mess.... sounds like what I tell those 3 guys I don't really like. I feel like I'm being played lol.. The one time I brought up that I was being led on he says, "no I like you, if I didn't you would have been cut off" .. That doesn't make me feel better. At all. We’ve been talking for sooo long now and it's been at the same level of bitchassery (yeah I just made that up) I’d much rather have him tell me it's never going to happen then give ME false hope. Talk about fucking Karma.
I just don't get why I want the one that I cannot have and I'm so terrible to the ones that do want me. I get more stressed over this than I need to because they text/call/message me throughout the entire day and when I don't respond I just get more messages. I've tried the whole just cutting people off & not answering bit but that just makes my friends and family nervous... I think about it way too much. Probably because there is nothing else going on in my life to keep me occupied. I used to occupy my mind & time with work related things but my current job SUCKS ASS (I really fucking hate it) and all of my “extracurricular activities” have been put on hold. I'm "redecorating" my room... for the 2nd time this year because I am bored, stressed and I feel useless. I need a change in my life. A huge one. A relationship might be nice, or it might stress me out even more.
All in all.. I just want to meet someone NEW that can reciprocate the feelings that I have. It'd be nice to be involved with someone that can give the same amount of effort as me.. And vice versa cuz I feel horrible for slacking with these other guys trying to date me. It doesn’t help that now I’m 23 and kind of going through “baby fever”. I look at a guy and say “I can’t have kids with him” LMAO! .. I don’t really want to have a kid right now, I am no where near financially or mentally ready for that but I’d like to get to know my baby daddy NOW.. you know? Build up a relationship as of now so I won’t be one of those 30 yr old pregnant women with a high risk pregnancy… ahhhhh.
I want to go back to high school. Life was so much less complicated then. Even though I was so full of teen angst I felt like the world was coming down on me. I look back now and I really had nothing to complain about.
BTW – I fucking hate my coworker for asking about my ex boyfriend today. Then making the craziest shocked face when I told her I was still single. Bitch! Tonight will be a night that I just curl up into fetal position & get fat while watching Netflix lol
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Buddha Belly
Lately I've been toying with the idea of "converting" to Buddhism.
I was raised by a Roman Catholic family from the Caribbean. Which means, although they strived to be devout Catholics, we inevitably inherited a more spiritual adaption to the Catholic religion from our African ancestors. I wouldn't call it voo-doo or full blown santeria, but I am not ashamed to admit that my family did rely on the "luck" or blessings of specific saints and performed many rituals. It's not as scary as I am making it seem. If you have ever walked into a botanica, you'll appreciate all of the art and be welcomed by a friendly, but definitely eccentric, individual and intoxicating aromas.
I was always more interested in the spiritual side of my heritage. I didn't care much for going to church and I was actually the first of all the cousins in my immediate family to attend public school. Even my older siblings attended catholic schools up until college. I will admit I never studied the bible or read more than a few passages here and there. I know this disappoints my mother somewhat, but I could never bring myself to do it. It never felt right to me. I didn't agree with many of the stories/rules presented to me by church and my family
I've always felt a special connection to the universe, without knowing what it was I felt connected to. It wasn't until I got older and researched on my own that I discovered other people thought like me. I intuitively gravitate towards positive energy and feel discomfort around the negative.
This may all sound like a bunch of hippie mumbo jumbo, until I put it into context for you. Although I am very spiritual, I am also extremely curious about science. Definitely one of my favorite subjects when I was younger. My curious nature and desire to know everything about everything has me fascinated. Scientists continue to break down our cells to find the smallest particles, and realize they are composed of the same elements as those found floating in the universe. This only affirms my belief that we are all connected. In a nutshell.
During some not-so-extensive research I confirmed that Buddhism embodies the belief that we are all connected to the universe and, through various rituals and meditation, the acceptance of the world to achieve inner peace and enlightenment. This may be a perfect combination of my beliefs on the universe and my spiritual, sensual tendencies.
I checked out this website: SGI-USA: Buddhist Association for Peace, Culture and Education, Nichiren Buddhism (referred to me by one of my cousins in Miami)
I've quite enjoyed what I read so far and appreciate the feeling of contentment with the wisdom presented to me. I just may give this a try. I have several family members in Miami that are now Buddhists, to my surprise.
The reason I put the action of converting in quotation marks in the opening line is because I have not accepted any religion into my life yet. Therefore I'm not converting from anything. I have a lot more research to do before I make this commitment. Being agnostic is not really religious at all. I have to be 100% sure I'm into this before I submerge myself in any religious experience.
In any case, this is new for me. And I'm excited to rub some Buddha Bellies.
I was raised by a Roman Catholic family from the Caribbean. Which means, although they strived to be devout Catholics, we inevitably inherited a more spiritual adaption to the Catholic religion from our African ancestors. I wouldn't call it voo-doo or full blown santeria, but I am not ashamed to admit that my family did rely on the "luck" or blessings of specific saints and performed many rituals. It's not as scary as I am making it seem. If you have ever walked into a botanica, you'll appreciate all of the art and be welcomed by a friendly, but definitely eccentric, individual and intoxicating aromas.
I was always more interested in the spiritual side of my heritage. I didn't care much for going to church and I was actually the first of all the cousins in my immediate family to attend public school. Even my older siblings attended catholic schools up until college. I will admit I never studied the bible or read more than a few passages here and there. I know this disappoints my mother somewhat, but I could never bring myself to do it. It never felt right to me. I didn't agree with many of the stories/rules presented to me by church and my family
I've always felt a special connection to the universe, without knowing what it was I felt connected to. It wasn't until I got older and researched on my own that I discovered other people thought like me. I intuitively gravitate towards positive energy and feel discomfort around the negative.
This may all sound like a bunch of hippie mumbo jumbo, until I put it into context for you. Although I am very spiritual, I am also extremely curious about science. Definitely one of my favorite subjects when I was younger. My curious nature and desire to know everything about everything has me fascinated. Scientists continue to break down our cells to find the smallest particles, and realize they are composed of the same elements as those found floating in the universe. This only affirms my belief that we are all connected. In a nutshell.
During some not-so-extensive research I confirmed that Buddhism embodies the belief that we are all connected to the universe and, through various rituals and meditation, the acceptance of the world to achieve inner peace and enlightenment. This may be a perfect combination of my beliefs on the universe and my spiritual, sensual tendencies.
I checked out this website: SGI-USA: Buddhist Association for Peace, Culture and Education, Nichiren Buddhism (referred to me by one of my cousins in Miami)
I've quite enjoyed what I read so far and appreciate the feeling of contentment with the wisdom presented to me. I just may give this a try. I have several family members in Miami that are now Buddhists, to my surprise.
The reason I put the action of converting in quotation marks in the opening line is because I have not accepted any religion into my life yet. Therefore I'm not converting from anything. I have a lot more research to do before I make this commitment. Being agnostic is not really religious at all. I have to be 100% sure I'm into this before I submerge myself in any religious experience.
In any case, this is new for me. And I'm excited to rub some Buddha Bellies.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
nothing to say..
I haven't updated my blog in a little over two months. how depressing. i've been experiencing somewhat of a writer's block.. or just going through some shit in life. i actually have no idea what's wrong with me & i can't even come up with a lame excuse for you, Blogger.
ehh... still not feeling 100% with life.. i'll leave you with more picture.
BORED WITH PHOTOBOOTH PT2
ehh... still not feeling 100% with life.. i'll leave you with more picture.
BORED WITH PHOTOBOOTH PT2
Sunday, April 17, 2011
keyboard ninja
I'm a huge fan of keyboard shortcuts. I have a MacBook Pro and I never connect a mouse. Learning keyboard shortcuts makes my life so convenient. I never have to lift my fingers from the keyboard to fiddle & click around to do something with my trackpad.
One day I was trying to drag some application windows from one "Space" to another (Spaces on my Mac is a godsend btw) & thought, "There has to be some sort of shortcut for this!" .. & so I stumbled upon this page on an Apple support page listing all of the keyboard combinations you have available. I had no idea I could do so much cool shit.
Mac OS X Keyboard Shortcuts
One day I was trying to drag some application windows from one "Space" to another (Spaces on my Mac is a godsend btw) & thought, "There has to be some sort of shortcut for this!" .. & so I stumbled upon this page on an Apple support page listing all of the keyboard combinations you have available. I had no idea I could do so much cool shit.
Mac OS X Keyboard Shortcuts
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